Online Dating

When a woman, no matter how attractive she is, starts her dating profile with something along the lines her faith is very important to her, Jesus is her navigator, etc. I give them a hard pass. They already have a man in their life and I’m not into threesomes.

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One woman’s profile read, “I always curate my appearance, home, and cuisine to provide a suitable style..” My advice to all prospective matches, run away as fast as you can, because if you get involved with this woman, she will be curating you into a “suitable style” as well.

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PROFILE TRANSLATIONS:

What it says: “Looking for a trustworthy man”
What it means: “My last relationship was with a cheater”

What it says: Favorite trait for a partner – kindness
What it means: “Don’t be critical of anything I do”

What it says: “Looking for a partner on my worldwide adventures”
What it means: “I’m looking for someone to fund my worldwide adventures.”

As is only fair, here are excerpts from my own profile examined the same way.

What it says: “Intellectually nimble athletic women are irresistible.”
What it means: “Looking for women who are fit and witty.”

What it says: “Humor is very important…”
What it means: “Don’t be triggered by humor and actually have a sense of humor”

What it says: “Unpretentious”
What it means: “I wore suits every day for 30 years, not wearing one for Sunday dinner.”

What it says: “Musical interests wide-ranging  and there is always music playing at my house.”
What it means: “Our musical interests need to be compatible.”

What it says: “Grew up in So. California, traveled and worked most of the world..”
What it means: “I know which places I don’t ever want to return to as well as those I do.”

What it says: “Tonsil cancer survivor in complete remission.”
What it means: “Keep walking if that is a problem.”

What it says: “Myers-Briggs INTJ-A”
What it means: “The last thing I need is an extroverted emotionally hungry vampire sucking all the oxygen out of a room.”

What it says: “Children are fully launched, have houses and TVs of their own.”
What it means: “My money and time are my own without external factors.”

Image by Erika Wittlieb